Yesterday DJ invited me to go wto her graduation. Instead of going with Kelsey to meet up with the others in SMAAK, and for the sake of AW, I decided to go to the graduation instead. I mean, DJ's just more important, I guess.

So that meant waking up at the crack of dawn so we could get to school early enough to have parking. We decided to sit in the shade (it ws anoutside affair) but it was actually cold and windy so staying in the shade wasn't a good idea. Thank goodness I decided to wear khakis instead of a dress, but I was still shiveringfor a majority of the time. The time it took for the whole ceremony was shorter than expected, but I wanted to be entertained in some way anyway, and thank goodness the wifi reached me. I spent most of the time on my usual sites becaus of that. :)

Then we went to the restaurant that we went to for my grandma's birthday. I ate, lol.

Then we went home, DJ opened her presents, then we loafed around until it was time to go to the movies. They wanted to watch something that I already watched or a horror movie. In the end, they chose to go to the park (it was nice out today). So I walked around and then sat down when everyone else was playing basketball.

Even though I didn't play, I still walked around, but I'm exhausted since I woke up early and I had to put up with people. I went for DJ and her parent's sake. Her friends are annoying... nice but annoying and exhausting. There's always been a feeling that I don't fit in, and every time I interact with them, the stronger that feeling gets. I feel like I should've gone with Kelsey to meet up with SMAAK instead, but I did like going outside once in a while. No regrets. I don't know how to fix that problem with the Filipino posse, but I'm glad that they don't want to be friends with that one girl anymore. They're nicer that way lol.

The best part of the day was when I saw this one cute guy was playing basketball so I had some eye candy when I sat there doing nothing. Of course, he was Asian, pale, skinny, and kinda tall. He had tattoos that looked like wings on his back, and I think some vines on his right shoulder. He had nice arms too... if only he took his shirt off so I could see the tattoos better... D:

Oh how I wish for a guy like that to exist near my life. I'm cool with looking from afar, really.

idk man, idk
maiinis ako pero magkaibigan tayo, soooo

i'll try to get over it, so sana hindi ka naman.... maging masyado, okay?
di ko alam kung ano magagawa ko

but deep down mabigat ang puso ko
ayaw kong mainis did you know

in other news tho, i just totally watched the other episodes of legen of korra. ah-may-zing!

I can't do much, but I can fight by living for the next day.

I just found the English translations for POWER. I think I found my hero.

I admire BYG very much. In as much as I don't even know what my dream is, I'm going to keep living in order to see what happens next.

Yesterday was my grandma's birthday, so I had be in an obligatory dinner. It was alright, at least I got to eat and talk to my cousin.

Today I asked my friend to teach my chem and omgggggg I never knew about it! What I keep doing is stupid mistakes and as soon as I do them, everything goes downhill and plain wrong. Which is probably why I got a C+ on that chemlab test, but that's alright. I'm a little anxious about going back to class to claim the test, but whatever. I should be grateful that my total average didn't go THAT much downhill. The prof. is probably surprised about it too, but that's the same thing that the chemlec prof. thought when she saw that I got a C+ on her test lol. I sucked at thermochem alright!

It was funny though, since we went to an empty computer room and it had a board, so I asked her to do the problems on the board. Totally helpful. I feel guilty for not being able to explain other things well enough for her though. It seems like I'm the type of teacher that likes to listen to herself at the expense of the student's understanding. I don't know how to work around that

I went to calc today because we had a finals review. It was alright. The prof. talked to us individually to discuss our grades. She said that I need at least a 71 on the final to get an A. Those are good odds, if you ask me. Anyway, as for that guy, in as much as he has been sitting peacefully next to me, I guess that's alright. Today was the last day I could've talked to him, and no, I didn't confront him about his music choices becase 1) I'm a wuss and 2) I'm afraid he'd get freaked out and idk, is it embarrassing for a guy to like kpop? I'd never know lol. But whatever, I didn't want to put in the energy into it, so I guess it's okay to let him go.

What I wanted to talk about was DJ. I feel like she's grown to be distant from me and idk, she started.... changing. Listening to American music being more malandi, etc, etc. I was really surprised tbh. She has all the right to anyway, since she's probably repressed all of that in order to study Nursing. Besides, I don't have the right to tell her what to do and what not to do, so I'm happy for her on taking that step to explore the horizon. I'll miss the friend that I spent fangirling with about kpop, but I'm already capable of being left on my own devices, so it's all good. Her sister told me that she's switching her major from Nursing to pre-prof Bio, and so she asked me how Bio was. Would it be weird if I got closer to her because of our similar majors and I ended up talking to her a lot more? She's more.... reserved than DJ so I haven't really gotten to know her better. Ah, but whatever, I'm not responsible for either two, so let's just see what happens in the future.

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I took this test that Cai took and here's what I got:

Either an ascetic personality is evident or you feel that you are steeling yourself for the difficulties ahead in life by withdrawing from the pleasures of the world. There is a feeling that hard work and dedication are what’s needed to solve your problems, and this can become a mania if satisfaction is not found in a reasonable time frame.

You desire to escape from an unsatisfactory relationship or job situation. In all likelihood, you feel underappreciated and you hope for a change or for a way to improve cooperation. With your hopes for compatibility being frustrated, this relationship is beginning to seem like a burden which is leaving you irritable and impatient.

I've realized that I've started to stop myself from enjoying the moment. Which is totally fine by me, because I'm sick and tired of being let down all the time. I'm starting to understand why my mom refuses to talk about subjects involving our past possessions. Sometimes I wonder what happened to them, but that's okay, since I don't pursue the thought any further. I'm also tired of being angry at things that I can't control, so I can't think about that either. I can only watch. 

As for the relationship part, since I have a nonexistent romantic life, I guess it applies to DJ. I daydream that our new neighbor is going to be this hot Asian guy (that could drive me to school), but what's the odds of that?

I only enjoy myself in a world that doesn't even exist.

I totally want to be a pro on letting go though.